Inability to regulate your emotions ?? This has major consequences.
When you are sad, it lingers for a long time. And you have trouble doing things that you enjoy.
And suppressing your emotions will only make your problems worse.
Because your emotions tell you what is important to you in life.
And you need them to feel good. Both bad and pleasant emotions.
That is why in this article you will get many exercises to better deal with your feelings.
In this article you will learn:
- Why you can’t accept your emotions
- A simple trick to calm yourself down when you are upset
- Mapping cause and effect will make your life more enjoyable
- The secret to controlling emotions
- …and much more
After reading this article, you will be able to deal with your emotions, so that you live a much happier life.
“Your mood determines your success”
Imagine that we are going on a date. And you can choose in advance how I behave on that date:
“I am in a good and generous mood. We have a nice conversation. I joke and try to seduce you. You go home with a good feeling.”
“I’m in a bad and stingy mood. When you talk, I play on my phone. If you ask me a question, I will raise my eyebrows. You go home thinking I’m a hell of a jerk.”
How likely are you to want to go on another date with me after I’ve been grumpy for an evening?
That chance is of course very small. But if I was in a good mood and you enjoyed yourself, it’s different.
I would benefit from making sure to be in a great mood before we go on a date.
This increases the likelihood that I would turn your head, the price of that night.
The bad thing ….. my emotion of that evening is determined by what happened earlier in my life. A terribly unlucky day puts every person in a grave mood.
Your success on a date is therefore partly determined by how much fun the rest of your life is.
You may be wondering:
“ If you don’t feel well, why don’t you pretend you feel good during a date? The other person will not notice anything, and then you come across as nice. ”
There are a number of reasons for this:
People still get it.
People can sense and estimate how someone feels inside, even if this person acts as if nothing is wrong:
“ It takes a lot of energy to pretend to be happy when you cook inside.”
This makes you appear insincere, forced, and hyperactive. People cannot sense what the underlying emotion is, but they do notice that you are hiding something.
“ You appear nervous or even scared.”
As if you are too insecure, to be honest about what you feel. Confident people don’t have to hide their emotions.
“ Relationships are built on the exchange of what you think and feel.”
If you put on an entire play, the person that opposites you won’t really get to know you. In this way, you lay the foundation for a relationship in which you feel emotionally lonely.
If, on the other hand, you learn how to deal with your emotions and can put yourself in a pleasant mood …
… Then you greatly increase the chance that it will be a fun and productive date.
Just like you learn more when you sit in the classroom with a happy feeling or go to work with a good feeling. Performance is simply impossible when you are in a negative mood.
Bad emotions lead to bad outcomes in every area of life:
Children who walk around with bad emotions perform much worse at school. They cannot concentrate, get worse grades, and exhibit problem behavior more often
Employees who are not allowed to express their emotions become vulnerable to exploitation and burnout.
Just think: if your boss treats you like a dictator and you are not allowed to say anything about this, then you are financially dependent on someone who is oppressing you
Suppressing emotions leads to permanent damage to your psyche, which makes it more difficult to live a good life. Undergoing long-term stress changes your brain at its deepest level.
Concentrating, opening up to others, and feeling good becomes a lot more challenging when you have been under stress for a long time.
So there is a lot to be gained from learning to regulate your feelings. It is a mystery to me that this is not a subject at school. So much depends on it that everyone should know about this.
1. Recognize the meaning of emotions !!
To regulate your emotions, the first thing you have to do is recognizing the meaning of emotions.
This is crucial…
Emotions are caused by what is happening in your life. They are signals in your body that tell you whether you are going in the right or the wrong direction.
In most cases, it is possible to determine the cause with a little practice.
When you learn to listen to these signals, your emotions can serve as an inner compass.
You can consciously put yourself in situations that make you feel good. And you can avoid people you don’t feel comfortable with.
But in our society, it is not common to talk about feelings. More than a third of women experience emotional loneliness, which means that they have no one to talk to about their feelings.
Many people have never learned how to listen to their emotions.
As a result of which they become more stressed or end up in depression. While this can often be prevented, by explaining to them how to listen to their feelings.
If you suppress your emotions, you will pretend those feelings are not there. Maybe you crawl in front of the TV with a bowl of ice, or you take it out on people who don’t deserve it.
But if you are aware of how bad your day was, you can stay calm. You can take steps to ensure that you do not experience another such day. And once you are in your own environment, you can make the evening worthwhile.
Next, regulate your emotions by this second step…
2. Respond to your feeling
If something makes you as happy as Winnie the Pooh with a jar of honey …
… Then of course there is no reason to change the situation.
But if something happens that makes you feel the escaped Jerry… (Tom & Jerry)
… Then it is understandable that you have to do something with that.
Because you keep a diary that tells you exactly what gives you bad feelings, you can start implementing changes.
For example, you can choose to talk to the people who make you angry or sad. Share your feelings with them. And explain that if this continues, you will not be able to interact with them.
Do they react negatively to this? Are they telling you to shut up? Or do they blame you?
Then you can distance yourself from them.
What if it’s something you can’t do right away?
Suppose you have a job that you are not satisfied with. You want to change jobs, but this doesn’t happen overnight. It can just take a few months or more to find a new job.
And in the meantime, you are still exposed to that nasty environment.
In such a case you can look at what makes you happy. Or that gives you a calm feeling.
Instead of getting stuck in the bad feeling after you get out of work, you can do things that make you happy. Whether this is playing guitar or chatting with friends.
3. Accept your emotions completely
Suppose you watch television. And you tape three-quarters of the screen. You also turn off the sound.
Can you still follow the movie?
They are signals in your body. Thoughts, physical sensations, and your energy level.
If you try to shut yourself off from bad thoughts, physical pain, and the moments when you have little energy …
… Then you do not feel joy, nice energy, and pleasant physical sensations.
And that is exactly what it takes to make changes in your life. Because if you notice that things are not going well and you decide to do things differently as a result, your life will improve.
If you do this long enough, you will build self-confidence. After all, you know that if you don’t feel well, you don’t have to be a victim. You can do something yourself. By moving away from the cause, or by doing things that make you feel good.
But what if you feel bad all the time? Or if you are afraid of bad emotions? Or if you have experienced things in your past that you have not yet processed?
In that case, it is wise to go to the doctor and ask for a referral to a psychologist. Explain to the doctor what you are struggling with.
Are you not struggling with very serious bad emotions? Do you think you can handle it yourself? Then go to the next tip.
4. Start listening to your emotions
Sometimes it is difficult to determine what you are feeling. Because your feelings don’t present themselves in words. Changes in the three signs below announce that your mood has changed:
- Your thoughts
- Physical sensations
- Your energy level
You don’t have to start by naming the exact emotion. It is more important that you first pick out the quadrant.
Determine whether your energy is high or low and whether you feel positive or negative. This is often enough to make decisions about which way to go.
Do you have difficulty with this? Then try meditation. This makes you more aware of the signals from your body.
5. Talk to yourself
Another way to deal with feelings and problems that you cannot change …
… Is to talk to yourself in the third person.
Imagine a guy you like had to cancel that night.
And after an hour you are still depressed about this.
You tend to pour another glass of wine. To forget your grief.
At such times it can help to reassure yourself.
For example, say:
“ Oh, I see you are tired and disappointed. Maybe it’s okay to go to sleep. ”
In this way, you talk to yourself as you would to a good friend, whom you want to take care of.
This probably works because your brain almost feels like someone else is trying to reassure you.
And back to the example of a man who cancels your date.
Do you know what would be beautiful?
If you can deal with a man in such a way that he wouldn’t even think about canceling a date with you.
That is exactly what you should do. Regulate your emotions in this way.
6. Look for magical words
If you know which quadrant your mood is in, and you want to go a little deeper …
… Then you can look for a word that suits your mood.
If you find it difficult, you can use the Mood Meter app. This can be downloaded from the Apple Store and the Google Play Store.
After choosing the quadrant, you will be presented with a list of different emotions. This helps you to identify your feelings if you find this difficult.
Then you write down what caused it.
For example: “ I feel concerned because there is a deadline coming tomorrow. Or: ” I feel happy because I just had a nice date.”
What if you have a lot of trouble recognizing your emotions?
If you’ve been suppressing your emotions for a long time, it may take a while to get back to naming your feelings.
Still not working after a week? Then go to your doctor. The difficulty of naming your feelings indicates your brain’s adaptation to traumatic events.
7. Learn to meditate
Many people think that meditation makes them so calm.
This is because the spiritual traditions from which meditation practices give the impression which can lead to “ enlightenment. ”
Enlightenment is nothing more than a deeper spiritual insight.
But in the 1960s, there were quite a few spiritual teachers who ran off with this understanding and turned it into something completely different.
Listen to the average yoga teacher or spiritual guru and you would think that meditation should lead to a state where you have no more desires and you feel “one with the universe ”, whatever that means.
This is NOT why I recommend meditation for you.
In my view, it is not healthy to meditate in the hope that you will achieve a better mental state.
It’s like saying, “ My current life is not good enough. Maybe I feel better if I meditate for ten hours a day for three years. ”
But meditation is a good way to come to yourself. If you’ve been busy all day, silently focusing on your breath is a great way to become aware of your body signals.
Besides, focusing on your breath will calm you. That is if you are not so emotional which makes your body run wild.
How do you meditate?
There are several methods, but the simplest is this:
- Sit quietly in an active position.
- Close your eyes or relax
- Stay focus on the physical sensations of breathing.
- Count the inhalation and exhalation.
- If you get distracted, say ” hello ” to the distraction. And bring your attention back to your breath.
- In the beginning, do this for two minutes. Extend this to ten minutes or even 15 minutes.
- After meditating, write down what feelings come up. It’s not about making a complete list. But only to help yourself process what you are feeling.
The last step is the most important. Meditation is useful to be able to listen better to the signals in your body. You create silence, and that silence makes it easier for you to perceive the signals.
8. Keep a diary
To regulate your emotions, write down how you feel four to five times a day. And what is the cause? Both good and bad emotions.
You may be thinking, ” Why should I write it down when I feel happy?”
Easy. If you learn what makes you happy, you can use this at a later time to regulate your feelings. You will hear more about this in a minute.
And writing down what makes you angry or sad will help improve your life.
This includes things that it doesn’t seem like you can do anything about it.
Suppose you have a colleague who always makes your life miserable.
Do you suppress this emotion? Then that will probably go well for a while.
If you learn to deal with emotions, you can make wise choices about how to deal with them.
However, if you don’t think about your feelings and strike back from the anger, this will affect your career.
Naming your emotion can help a lot.
Read also: 10 Handy Ways to Pick up a Girl
9. Exercise, eat and sleep to regulate your emotions
Imagine. You text with a man. And he doesn’t respond to your last message.
You’ve been waiting for a day. You’re on the couch. And you want nothing more than to see if he has already sent that message.
Observe your emotion. Use Mood Meter or your diary if necessary. If you know how you feel, and it’s a bad feeling, then it’s time to cheer yourself up.
For example, do 10 squats. Or take a walk. This will help you feel better. You get rid of the stress, as it were. Then you choose another activity, something that makes you happy.
Have you ever slept badly? And do you notice that you don’t get much pleasure from things that normally make you very enthusiastic?
Then you know this is because you are not rested. And that it’s okay to take a nap or relax in some other way.
And what about food?
Have you ever bought fast food and checked how you felt afterward?
If I have to gamble, not so good.
And what if you eat healthily?
Then things go a lot better, right?
The more you eat healthily, the better you will feel in the long run.
Unhealthy eating has been linked to lifestyle diseases and mental turmoil.
And while this is a long-term thing, it’s important to keep this in mind.
If you don’t feel well, it could simply be because you haven’t eaten for a while. And this turns on all the alarm bells.